Humour: Fear Woman

Source: By Mawuli Zogbenu | |
Date: 9th-march-2018 Time:  7:23:24 am

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I am glad it was my father who died first. I don’t know what would have happened if it was the other way round. My brother, some of my peers with whom I grew up are very useless today bcos it was their mothers who died first and their fathers didn’t care! Even at the funerals of their wives, they started conning women under the funeral. I can say with certainty that no woman would start thinking about another man during the funeral of her late husband. I lie?

 Abeg, the title of this abstract who nobody is reading was picked from the back of a 207 benz bus yesterday, International Women’s Day o. I boldly approached the owner and driver of this trotro and he shared with me his experiences with women. Too many women broke brother man’s heart. The last one was a woman he was about to marry. This woman never told him she had 5 children already. One day he returned from work only to see them brought in a taxi with their luggage coming on holidays to see ‘Mama’. ‘Mama? Hmmm! What a shock!

But don’t men also do some of these things or? Single ladies, pls be warned when a man 35 years or above comes to tell you he wants the ‘thing’ because he has problems with his wife oo, yoo! It is a trick we all use just to ‘cross the border’ and dump you. If you are not lucky and ‘the thing ‘lock’, we would tell you to commot it because it can create problems between us and our wives oo. By then, knowing the truth may be too late. It is at this point that you would know that every man loves his wife, don’t be deceived. Many men do this apart from me. The only one I did before was…you want to hear? Shay shay shay shammeeeeeee! Hahaaaaaa!

I saw God yesterday. He complained a lot about what is happening and the disappointment He has anytime He is on a routine gender check.

He said for the past 50 years being observing something; anytime He was up there, he realized that in spite of the number of women He keeps supplying the world, he hardly sees any woman on earth. He sees so many men and hardly sees any woman. His reason was that everybody He sees is wearing trousers hence it is extremely difficult to tell the difference.

God continued “Because of this, I personally order the supply of more women to the world on daily basis but still…it appeared to me there were still more men because everybody seemed to be wearing trousers”.  Please stop that competition oo, women. Even ‘Emmanuel’ is corrupted ‘Emmanuella’ to suit women. A lady called in to a phone in programme and introduced herself as ‘Israelina’. You women said ‘all men are the same yet, everything of ours, you want to tap into it! Why? Even the word ‘women’ ends in ‘men’! why? The only thing left for women to change is Bachelor of Science degree into Bachelorinda of Science degree. Meboa? Ooooohhhhhh! Moha adwen. Haaaba! My wife will kill me today!

And to those men who beg their women for soft loans, are you not ‘women’? Those men who see snake and ask their wives to kill the snake, who then is the ‘woman’ huh? Just too many ‘women’ in town!

Indeed, something happens to my inner system anytime I see men wearing ear-rings! Ah! So disgusting can it be er. Well, some describe it as fashion and if that is the only means by which one can be seen as fashionable, then what men need is not earrings but kaba and sleet! Finish!

Have you observed the sizes of wrist watches worn by women these days? They are bigger than the ones men used to wear. Yes or?

The first person I saw it with was my ‘problem’ at home; my mother-in-law’s daughter. I saw her wearing it to work and when I complained about why she decided to wear a wrist watch she probably bought for me, she laughed hysterically for only 8 minutes. Hmmm! This girl er!  

Ms Sherry Adorkor Botwe, greetings oo, and all women! The women are in charge now oo, yoo! You men who think the kitchen is their place, they have retired from the heat and are attending to more serious business like Minister of Foreign Affairs wai.

I had one of the best women PA’s ever, Vida. She was very good at writing minutes until the last minutes she wrote after a meeting I had chaired. Minutes writing after meetings is a tough job especially if you don’t write it within 12 hours after the meeting. No wonder some organizations have made it a policy to call it file notes – simple! With this one, bulleted points after a meeting are still valid, legally.

Please don’t read this minutes written by Vida:

“The meeting started at 9:17am p3p33p3! The Chairman looked at the clock and said even though Mercy is not here, we can start the meeting with a prayer and asked Afavie to lead us in prayers. After the opening prayer where Afavie asked God to walk quietly into the meeting and see us through, Kofi Boateng sneezed.

It was then that Mercy also entered the boardroom and the Chairman asked her to go back and knock before entering the boardbroom. Mercy explained that she had actually knocked on the door but thought that the sneeze that Kofi Boateng sneezed was to ask her to come in.

The Chairman said but for the colour of her shoes, he would have asked Mercy to go home for being late. At this point, Christie got a phone call and Chairman said she should go out. She talked aaaaaaaaaa for 3 minutes before she came back to sit down again and then adjusted her eye glasses with both hands! Mr Doe was looking at Dorcas’ face like that and even though Chairman didn’t like the idea, he didn’t say anything.

The Chairman at this point looked at his wrist watch and said we are behind time. Auntie Jay at this point used her handkerchief to wipe her face because the place was a bit hot as the AC was working below performing capacity.

Angelo raised his hand to tell the Chairman to write some of the points he was raising on the marker board. The Chairman said that he would make copies available to every member since the presentation was on pendrive but his only fear was that he didn’t want any virus to contaminate his pendrive and so he would ask everybody to leave their email addresses so that he can mail it to them. Kofi Boateng coughed this time instead of sneezing and the chairman advised him to get Kinaqueen 443 and Kofi Boateng said he couldn’t get this medicine at the pharmacy shop because the girl who was to open the shop near his house lost her father the previous week and so had gone to her village for the one week celebration. This celebration itself may eat into next week and people have even complained that that girl doesn’t respect….”.

Ao, ao, ao! Minutes of the century authored by Vida, my former PA.’ Clap for her! Kpa kpa kpakpakpa kpaaaaaaaa!

Vida’s minutes was a 22-page document that can waste every company’s resources in the A4 Department! Vida is quick to learn on the job. When I advised her to go filenotes way, now a hitherto 22-page minutes now has only 2 pages of salient points discussed. One thing I like about her was the fact that she is always ready to learn new things unlike the men in my office; I am still windering what is wrong with us, we are so incorrigible!

Women, we love you but when you sit in front of his car, keep looking at his face and see the unnecessary seriousness with which he would be driving. Me, I do this to cover up the things I see in skirt, sorry trousers when driving!

What a world! Men are copying women by wearing earrings and women are copying men by wearing trousers. Happy International ‘Problem’ Day’! (you would be surprised to learn that it is my wife who wrote this part). Her reason? What is the use of a man if he cannot solve ‘problems’? Oya!


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