Dr Kisseadoo writes: Gems for fruitful courtships, marriages

Source: Ghana | Rev. Dr. Samuel Kisseadoo |
Date: 1st-february-2018 Time:  6:04:59 pm

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Importance Of Your Mind For Home And Family Success

The transformation of your mind is necessary for any changes to occur in any relationship. You need to:

1) Intentionally and courageously decide to set your mind right for the best thoughts and actions that will give you the best relationship with your partner.

2) Seek to deal with old childhood and previous mentalities that need to give way to true and mature ideas that will promote your relationship.

One of the major factors you have to deal with in your mind is: “I want my way; this is the only way I want it, in order for me to be cooperative and happy”.

If that happens to become the mindset of, for example, a female fiancée or a wife, then:

1) The male fiancée or husband is not going to be allowed to perform his leadership role. And, you cannot have love in any relationship without any real leadership.

2) The lady will develop a tendency of “pushing everybody around”.

The situation becomes worse when:

1) The partner (man or woman) actually had decided firmly in the mind (sometimes even from childhood) before coming into the courtship or marriage: “I WILL NEVER let anyone (in this world) push me around”. You can keep this in your mind and act according to this thought until it becomes a habit and a stronghold.

2) The man (fiancée or husband) does not work hard on himself to become a gentle, loving, committed, godly, wise, and tolerant Head and Leader of the woman.

Some of the devastating results (out of many) are:

1) The courting individuals or husband and wife habitually complain about many things, and nothing pleases any of them (or the person who always complains).

2) They cannot repent and say sorry when they are wrong; and would not agree to make the needed changes for love, peace, unity, satisfaction, and progress.

3) They always yell at each other and blurt out cutting and abrasive remarks to each other all the time. 

4) Any of the partners can get mental and nervous disturbance or sickness in the stomach from excessive shouting and frustration.

5) The man retreats (if it is the woman who yells) because he is made to feel he is a failure. The woman could also shut down and fall into depression or engage in serious silent treatment. Either of them would feel that there is nothing good that he or she can give or contribute towards the progress in the relationship.

6) Communication, expression of affection, and intimacy break down. Conversations, phone calls, return of calls, responses to requests and needs cease, giving of gifts, making your partner know your movements and whereabouts, and feelings of anger and resentment thrive. Horrible negatives thoughts also begin to grow fast in the mind.

7) Selfishness begins to breed in each of them seriously because resources and blessings cannot be shared, and each feels insecure, and decides to “keep all of my good things for only me, and grab as much as possible for my future security”.

8) Trust becomes a huge problem because each would not want the other to know personal stuff, and therefore telling lies and half-truths become the order of the day. They will be inclined to cast “dirty looks” at each other, sometimes for no real reason.

Each question is also usually questioned. For example: “Why are you late?”, or “Where are you going?” --- The other partner answers: “Why are you asking me?”, or “What do you want to know?”

9) Emotional infidelity and wasting of precious time for fruitless pursuits become common habits. More time will be spent on the phone, sports, travel without the other partner, conversation and entertainment with friends, and several hours on social media, rather than time together with the fiancée or spouse. Some resort to spending more time with their Dads and Moms, other relatives, and business or career partners instead of their romantic partners.

The hunger for love and affection (or stubbornness and malice for vengeance) cause many to reconnect with old boyfriends or girlfriends, or seek for new romantic lovers. There may not be actual sexual activity in some of these the processes (although most of them become sinful fornication or adultery, which is sometimes in “polished” forms), but in all cases, the emotional romantic enjoyment takes the heart and mind away from the courtship mate or spouse, and destructive mental and emotional infidelity rules triumphantly.

10) Important plans and decisions or choices are made independently without consulting or discussing with the husband or wife. YOUR MIND is what you primarily use to make the decisions and the choices.

For example: Plans to financially assist or bring other family members to live in the home, buy lands, build or buy houses, acquire other forms of property, travel outside to study or work, settle in a new location or return to resettle in your home country after being overseas for a while, refuse to come home from overseas after completion of a course as originally planned, sexual methods and preferences in love-making, birth control, plans for stepchildren or your children you brought into a marriage, ministry or church plans, business transactions, investments, opening of a bank account, purchases etc.

11) The children suffer immensely from a toxic atmosphere of hatred and neglect without the love they need; and also suffer a lot of mental and emotional bruises and abuses.

12) There is no discipline or proper training of the children, and the stage is set for the training of future wasters and monsters for society.

13) Unless things drastically turn around, you will be lamentably robbed in broad daylight, of an enjoyable, a fruitful, and a happy courtship, marriage, home, or family life that you can have ONLY ONCE in your lifetime; and you might even “go too soon” to your grave as a miserable failure in life.

14) The people in the relationship cannot be any good role models in society (not even for their own home and family), and will die without leaving any enduring legacy for posterity.

15) The devil enters into the relationship or marriage through the wide doors opened for satanic entry, and can promote more anger, destruction of love, breaking of a courtship, separation or divorce, diseases, miscarriages and other childbirth problems, immorality and sexual infidelity, drinking and drug use, financial and work problems, fights, loss of favor and opportunities etc. The devil started working on the mind and whispering long ago, but none of the partners noticed and made no effort to halt the diabolic plans of the enemy.

SOLUTION?                                                                                                                      

1) Your mind must be renewed with the truth of God’s word, in order to know, accept, and do God’s will (Romans 12:1-2). You can do so by connecting strongly to God through Jesus Christ personally, and mutually in your relationship, courtship, or marriage.

“Put off concerning YOUR FORMER THINKING AND MANNER (WAY) OF LIFE, the old self which is corrupt (dirty) according to deceitful lusts; and BE RENEWED IN THE SPIRIT OF YOUR MIND” (Ephesians 4:22-23).

2) Decide to develop a strong fear of God through daily meditation on scripture plus obedience, along with prayers of faith. Do it alone for personal strength, and especially do it also with your partner consistently. The word of God, the Spirit of God, obedience to God, and prayer between the two of you will always keep you together with ONE MIND.

3) Make up your mind to build a lifestyle of effective communication and mutuality with your partner, engage in lively conversation always, and DISCUSS decisions and choices with him or her regularly for input, followed by prayer together after an agreement is reached, or permission is granted. Speak to each other words of encouragement and words that stimulate love and affection in each other.

4) Allow your thoughts to enable you to practice showing due respect and love towards each other, and let your mate feel fully accepted by your mind and heart in the relationship.

5) Correct each other in wisdom, love, and gentleness. TRUE LOVE CORRECTS. But TRUE LOVE ALSO GIVES FREEDOM.

Therefore, DO NOT USE YOUR LOVE AND HELP TO ANYONE FOR DOMINATION AND CONTROL OF THE PERSON (Not even your wife or husband and children). Distinguish domination and control from the discipline of a person and cautioning or guarding of someone to provide protection and the needed security.

6) Allow your mind to make you concerned and empathetic with each other’s feelings, desires, and preferences.

7) Develop a mind that understands your male-female differences, which will enable you to understand and meet the different needs of each other. Work together in ways that enable you to celebrate your differences, and not to despise, mock, degrade, or hate your differences as two different genders, or people from two different homes and backgrounds.

8) Then, keep practising what you know in your mind and heart to be true, right, good, and godly, until your DESIRE to do good, becomes a DELIGHT to do good. Then you will (and can) consistently and steadfastly continue to become faithful and delightful to your partner. I have personally experienced this to be true in my 35 and a half years of marriage.

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By Rev. Dr Samuel Kisseadoo:

Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Incorporated (An Evangelistic and Teaching Christian Organization)

Website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com.  Email: kisseadoo@msn.com

For free counselling and prayer, meetings, copies of Dr Kisseadoo’s books, messages on CD etc.

US Tel. 1-757-7289330     US Cell & WhatsApp: 1-917-7410643.
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Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra, Ghana to listen to Dr Kisseadoo’s weekly broadcast “Hope For Your Family” on Sat. 5:30am-6am, Ghana time (12:30am-1:00am, US Eastern Time in November - March). You can access the broadcast on the Internet using MYJOYONLINE.COM.

In Ghana, call Tigo or Airtel 545 and follow the prompts for daily inspirational messages of Dr Kisseadoo. Permission granted to freely share but with acknowledgement.

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