I like Kobby Addo. He was my student. He has become my friend. When he got married, he came with his wife and Hassan Tampuli to visit. He asked about marriage tips. I told them about mine, but added that they might not work for everyone. But I will share a gist here.
“Monkeys play by sizes,” to me, is the single most important rule in marriage. “Size” means everything including opinions, world view, ambitions, and sometimes even religion, even race or tribe, even politics. In fact, which football team you support koraa fit dey inside. It’s ok to be teased on Facebook if Chelsea loses. It is NOT ok for you to tease me too. So marry as close to your “size” as possible. Then lose weight. Or gain weight. Whatever you do, narrow your differences.
This rule is for men only. “Don’t sweat small stuff!” If you do, you will sweat for the rest of your life. Because there’re several small-small irritating stuff. Don’t chase them. Let them slide. I say “if it won’t kill me, do it.” So my bedroom has various shades of violet. Between lilac and violet, several shades. No 2 walls are the same colour. I didn’t choose them. But I can sleep. As long as it’s not pink (between baby pink and fuchsia), I don’t care. Small stuff.
I am quite old-fashioned. A man must be a husband and father. A woman has her role as wife and mother. We can’t swap roles. We are equal but different. A man must PROVIDE, work like a bull and brute, and PROVIDE some more.
And this is where I get controversial. A woman, even when she works (and every woman should work, if she can) should provide only if she wants to. But she is in charge of everything else that has to do with the home. Yes, it is her kitchen, not mine. That’s why she chose everything in there. My only space in the house is my basement. Everywhere else is hers. I don’t care. Just don’t paint our room pink. That’s all.
Don’t MAKE her do it. PROVIDE the means to do it so that even if she doesn’t do it herself or isn’t there to do it, it still gets done.
For example, I expect dinner when I get home; and meals when I’m home. You don’t have to cook it. You don’t have to serve it. Just make sure the system I have provided for produces and delivers the food.
In the same vein, I don’t wash, clean, sweep, vacuum, dust, or do any house work. I am “DADDY.” That’s why I live in Ghana and not in the US. Don’t do it. Just give me my provision’s worth. Ok. I do diapers and other baby stuff. Note: BABY!!! And my last baby is 18 years old! Oh, and homework (yeah, including university homework!!)
If we can’t agree on these, let’s not get married. And you aren’t allowed to agree before marriage and change your mind afterwards.
I am old-fashioned like that.