To have and to ‘hold’: An article about marriage

Source: Theodore Dzeble |Communication Consultant
Date: 3rd-august-2018 Time:  12:51:46 am

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One of the greatest expectations of youth is the dream to get married someday and maintain a respectable, godly family. Most young men fantasize with the idea of marrying an adorably charming, respectful lady, capable of mothering their children. 

Similarly, the overwhelming wish of most young ladies is to get married to a handsome, smart, caring young man of dignity. This mental projection into the future of one’s family life has the power to enhance the individual’s sense of self-worth while enhancing and motivating a sense of purpose and direction in life.

Unfortunately, however, soon after getting married to the man or woman of our dreams, life seems to grind to a monotony of work, children, school and church. These rigours of the marriage covenant take their toll on the couple day after day, pushing them away from each other into two separate worlds.  As the pressure increases with the arrival of more children, and more responsibilities, the stage is set for the melodramatic.

The woman, more often the family enforcer, but in earnest, the weaker of the two, at least emotionally, (1 Peter 3:7) is the first to crack under the weight of matrimony. Submerged under the sea of household chores, and working at the same time to support her husband financially, she feels lonely, abandoned, or even estranged if her man does not support her.

 Her attention naturally shifts to the children from where she draws her emotional strength. At this stage of the matrimonial expedition, many uncaring husbands find themselves in competition with their own children for the woman’s love and attention. They simply cannot understand her indifference or comprehend her romantic fatigue.

This is the point where an otherwise vivacious marriage begins to experience relationship problems. Suddenly, little faults and unintentional omissions become mountains of complaints and bitter criticism against the woman. And mind you, few women have the nerves for such communication misdemeanours. They only feed into her emotional isolation, and the marriage takes a nose dive. 

Nothing in this world could be worse than a bad marriage. But a bad marriage is composed of the omissions and commissions of the couple. Most of the time, the problems are the result of illegitimate words spoken or wrong actions taken due to immaturity. Yet this is not the actual reason for their unhappiness. Unhappiness in the marriage covenant is caused by the couple’s unwillingness to smoke the peace pipe.

Marital relationship as initialled by God is a strictly loving, permanent relationship between a man and a woman. (Gen 1:27, Gen 2:24, Mark 10:6, Mat 19:4-6, 8) When un-forgiveness, resentment, anger, hurt, hatred, selfishness, infidelity, bitterness, greed and selfishness are introduced into the relationship, sorrow and unhappiness is the result.

It’s pretty easy to marry these days. All that is required is a little money to throw a wedding party. That’s why everyone is rushing to the altar. Of course “it is better to marry than to burn.”(1 Cor. 7: 9)

However, the epidemic levels of unhappiness and divorce, particularly among young Christians, should inform a new national, biblical approach to holy matrimony. The church, which is the foundation and pillar of truth (1 Timothy 3:15) should lead a revolution of restoring marriages to their original purpose in God (Gen 2:24. Mark 10:8) before this holy institution loses its relevance in our society.   

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