People really hype up the idea of being so lust-filled that you simply have to tear your partner’s clothes off and do it on the floor right this very moment.
Scheduling in sex, meanwhile, gets viewed as the height of uncool, reserved for parents or couples who’ve lost their spark.
But it turns out that people who plan sex may be having more satisfying sex lives than all those smug, spontaneously randy types. So there.
People who plan ahead tend to have more satisfying sex lives, suggests a new study from Ruhrh University in Germany.
Researchers surveyed nearly 1,000 couples about their sex lives, asking them to discuss issues with sexual dysfunction, how easily they became aroused, how often they were having sex, and how they felt about sex in general.
Each participant also rated their personality and their partner’s in terms of extroversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism, and being open to new experiences.
Common thought would say it’s those super sexually open, extroverted types who are having glorious sex.
But in reality, researchers found a strong correlation between a person’s conscientiousness – meaning their thoughts, their level of planning, and their consideration of their partner – and how satisfied they and their partner were in bed. Now, this could point to many important sexual factors.
Conscientious people likely spend more time focusing on their partner’s pleasure, which will lead to better sex all round.
They might be more willing to dedicate significant time to foreplay because they want to do things thoroughly and well.
But conscientious people are also the types who tend to plan and think ahead – and the research offers evidence that you don’t have to be a spontaneous risk taker to have a satisfying sex life.
Planning in advance isn’t uncool – it’s sexy. The lesson here: Don’t panic if your relationship isn’t filled with sex sessions on the kitchen counter and morning orgasms that make you late for work. As long as you’re satisfied, everything’s grand.
Communicate, take your time to make sure everyone’s satisfied, and do what feels right without worrying about what your sex life ‘should’ look like.